Colo(u)rs

"If in such a country where the wages of labour had ever been more than sufficient to maintain the labourer, and to enable him bring up a family, the competition of the labourers and the interest of the masters would soon reduce them to this lowest rate which is consistent with common humanity."

- Adam Smith

Who is this person in the mirror.
So different from the picture.

I'm sorry I don't think I'm the same person you remembered.

人往往要在各种状况,做最坏的打算.不管最坏状况的可能性是零.

Had a sudden urge to blog. But instead I spent a good part of the time reading old entries. Not all of them, but a large part of them from the pre-coming-of-age era.

I wrote of my days. I wrote of my dreams. I wrote of my fear. I wrote of my wants. I wrote of the mundane. I wrote of the excitement. I wrote everything in the light. I wrote everything behind the light. By writing everything was out in the open and nothing was in the dark.

I cringe reading some of those things. Why oh why did I ever publish that on a public blog!?! How thoughtless of me to write that. How could I? But I did. I supposed I did with a need to be transparent, to be proud of myself.

Contrast with the silence of present.

I hid my days. I hid my dreams. I mask my fear. I mask my wants. I live in the mundane. I dream of the excitement. I keep everything in the dark. I keep everything under the cover of night.

Where, when and how it happened? Needing to keep up appearances. Hiding your emotions under a mask. Being more confident than you ought to be.

I think I know, but I wouldn't tell you now would I?

I spent the last hour or so looking at the photos from last summer. I missed it so.

I won't be back this summer. I most likely won't be going back this coming winter. And next summer I probably won't be going back either. That will make a full 2 years before I make the 20 hours flight home again.

I last went back this past January. It was a whirlwind of traveling. I didn't had time to meet up with most people. I didn't had time to make a trip to meet up with friends.

I'll be going back in 2 years. I wonder how things will have changed. Most of you will be working by then. Or off to pursue graduate studies. You all would have wordly experience then. We would all be full adults then, passing the age of 21 last year. Can we still hang out as we used to? With all the brashness and honesty of youth. Not having to guard our image with the people we think we know. Can the teasing and the inside jokes still go on?

俗气的歌
简单的画面
像寻宝游戏般
需解开一一迷题

我解完了吗?

很多人都埋怨说,"怎么这么久没写部落格".
也没说得这么久吧! 毕竟离最后一个entry才三个月.大家也太夸张了吧.

怎么决定写中文呢-为了练习华文.下个学期打算拿学校得中文鉴定考试.通过了可拿三个人文学分.:)
从高二毕业以来就没写中文了,就此开始练习.

写成此调调是因为印象中,华文的部落格都是如此.

总结,以上废话连遍.

Fall colors and summer sky.

Oriented and disoriented.
Left, right. Mixed.
Walking through a wall. Once. Twice.
Asleep and awake at the same time.

Its a sign for the long sleepless week ahead.

Hello, death week.

Singapore is finally into the Facebook craze. My Juniors have joined. They had their farewell assembly not too long ago. They posted the photos, they posted the videos. I went through the albums.

That was us just a year ago! All the crazy things we did in J2. All the stress we accumulated. All the fun we had. All the anxiety and the uncertainty for the future.

Yet here we are now. All in a place we chose. Was it what we wanted then? I don't know. Am I at where I wanted? Am I doing what I wanted to do? I don't know. I could hardly remember my goal then anymore. So much has changed.......things then are lost, gone, forever not to recover.

I think I'm losing the simplicity and innocence I used to have. Not preaching the advice I gave so long ago.

Hello, adult world.

Have you seen a day where the sky was a perfect blue and the cloud gleaming under the sun?

Today was such a day.

It was perfect.

And if you're wondering, nothing extraordinary happened. :)

Wound up and up
and off I went

Spin and turn
round and round
on and on.

Every scene
merged into one.
A sea of colours.

Every sound
merged into one.
A distant hum.

On and on
never stopping
to see it clear
to hear it sound.

All become clear
no longer one
when I
fell and stopped.

I'm suppose to write a one page "short response" about a book I never read. So obviously I am procrastinating to delay the pain of writing.

Things I noticed
1. The bills are in the same size and colour.
Situation: First time eating out during international orientation. I was given $1 at least 5 times before the other person gave me the correct bill, $10.
2. Food portions are huge. 1 meal could be split into at least 2 to save cost. :)
3. Americans love their TVs and shows.

Things I did
1. Went to a casino and got asked for an ID (we need to be 21) 15 times (or more) even though I was with my mom.
2. Went to a American style BBQ with my dad old friends. Those people put our BBQ to shame.
3. Went to a waterfall in school and got all (almost) wet.

Things I want/need to do
1. Jump into the gorge from a selected bridge.
2. Start writing my essay!!!!!

I'm obviously going to do it tomorrow.

Note: Songs were shuffled in the wee hours of 22 July with the various comments. Last few comments were done today. I know its late but better late than never. ;)

Got tagged by Ostry. Gotta live up to my bored and nothing to do tag so here I am.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people

1. HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

Bjork - Earth Intruders
I think later today we will see an alien invasion. Premonition by the almighty WMP.

2. WILL YOU GET FAR IN LIFE?

How My Heart Behaves - Feist
Sweet. Does that mean it depends who and which family I marry in? I will choose carefully...

3. WHAT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND’S THEME SONG?

Brothers on a Hotel Bus - Death Cab for Cutie
We're just a bunch of people hanging together. ;)

4. WHAT IS THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE?

Soil, Soil - Tegan and Sara (This is surreal Ostry got a Tegan and Sara song as well)
I think I'm a fish that likes to stay in the soil? So that makes me a sting ray? Any other anyone knows of?

5. WHAT WAS HIGHSCHOOL LIKE

All These Things I've Done - The Killers
Lotsa fun. Some regrets. Overall good. Won't trade it for another school in the world.

6. HOW CAN YOU GET AHEAD IN LIFE?

So Excite - Janet Jackson feat Khia
Get excited and passionated in whatever you're doing I guess.

7. WHAT’S THE BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?

Black Stone - Gackt
I didn't know what to write and wiki-ed it. Turns out to be the revered Muslim object in Mecca. (everyone should know what I'm talking about). So interpret that as you will!

8. DESCRIBE YOUR GRANDPARENTS

This Photograph is Proof - Taking Back Sunday
Do we even have photographs!?! I never seen them on the tomb stones even during Qing Ming....

9. HOW’S YOUR LIFE GOING?

So Excite - Janet Jackson feat Khia
The song title says it all. But whats the probability that I got the same song (2 songs apart) out of 1414 songs?

10. WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Remember - Goong S OST (no I didn't watch it)
Isn't this more for a memorial service? I hope this isn't a sign I'm dying prematurely (ie before I'm 60)

11. WILL YOU HAVE A HAPPY LIFE?

The Neighbour - Dixie Chicks
I shall experiment staying isolated and with around people. See which leads to the happy life. Sheesh....premonitions they're never specific.

12. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF YOU?

Quando Quando Quando - Engelbert Humperdick
By itself it means "when". So er....."when when when"? I shall bring a watch/clock at all times. So holla when anyone ever need to know what time is it.

13. DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU?

Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5
So wrong!!!! At so many levels some more!!!

14. HOW CAN YOU MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY?

Find Your Way - Ryan Cabrera
Decisions, decisions, decisions.

15. WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE?

Auf Achse - Franz Ferdinand
Literally its "on the axle". Again decisions, decisions, decisions.

16. WILL YOU EVER HAVE CHILDREN?

The Sun - Maroon 5
I should do a statistics on each song appearing. Like seriously. Anyway, I hope this doesn't refer to the story where there was like 9 suns or something.

17. WHAT SONG WOULD YOU STRIP TO?

Like O, Like H - Tegan and Sara
Another repeat artist! Does that mean somewhere near a O and a H sign? No idea.

18. WHAT DOES YOUR MOM THINK OF YOU?

Ahead On Our Way - Final Fantasy VII Piano Collection
Glad that she's confident in me.

19. WHAT IS YOUR DEEP, DARK SECRET?

Kimi Ga Iru - Glay
Apparently its one of the many ED theme song for Initial with the name, You Are. So I guess you are suppose to know if you're suppose to know.

20. WHAT IS YOUR MORTAL ENEMY’S THEME SONG?

If I Were You - Hoobastank
Me, Myself and I.

21. WHAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY LIKE?

Wordplay - Jason Mraz
Largely dependent on individual interpretation.

22. WHAT SONG WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR WEDDING?

Your Star - Evanescence
:D

This has been a cheese fest no? The whole thing is like a lottery I tell you!

Anyway I tag:
1. Janet (cuz I'm curious. Just mail it to us or something)
2. Mumz (so your post won't be as cryptic for once)
3. KH (lack of updates so....)
4. YN (same reason as above)
5. Any other person aside from the above who read this. (Not including Ostry of course!)

Disclaimer: Heavy spoilers (I think). So stop reading or I'll be spoiling you and pretty much everyone hates me for constantly doing that. So you've been warned.

So with the seventh book, the series has finally came to an end. The last book wasn't the best, neither was it the worst (thank goodness). It was engaging, exciting and the loose ends were pretty much answered and the ending too was fairly alright. Yet, I can't shrug off that sense of disappointment with the book. I expected more, wanted it to be brilliant like what got me hooked into it initially and yet it fall short. So a dissection and a measly attempt of a book review.

Narration
The narration lead to the downfall of the last few books I think. Everything is seen through Harry's perspective. We read what he sees and know what he feels. It worked in the first few books. The story was constricted to the happenings of the school. But after the fourth, when Voldemort was reborned, it was no longer so. For one, the scope of the story became larger the story spread out too thin. Our grasp of the story and happenings is limited. We did manage to follow what Voldemort is doing but thats the only other group aside from Harry and Co. do we know about. The happenings aside from them was never known. And this also resulted in the lack of development in the other characters. Aside from the main 3 characters the others were largely left out and ignored. How did Neville became to be so brave? (contrast with first few books were he was described the most) Did Ginny suddenly had her head whacked? (contrast beginning of the series all shy and such) And when the ending came and some died we were suppose to mourn. Yet I don't feel sad. It felt like reading the deaths of an accident in a newspaper. What do I know of these characters to make sense of their actions? I don't. They seemed so out of character, manipulated to heighten emotions and fit the plot except those whose backstories were revealed.

And that leads to another point. That of Dumbledore and Snape. Their backstory was only revealed entirely in the last book. Snape wasn't a devil and Dumbledore wasn't the saint everyone thought he is. I liked the backstories. It was interesting and aside from Harry they were some of the most flesh out characters in the book. Yet, with things as Harry's perspective and his lack of understanding of them, made them flat. We don't know what they think. We could guess why Snape was faithful to Dumbledore while the cause seemed lost. But its only a guess, we don't know the exact dynamics or their thoughts (and the description of their expressions was pretty non existent). We did not see growth or dynamics and they were the most complex characters ever, ie Dumbledore progressing from how he was when he was young and Snape's going from coward to nothing but a hero at the end of the story.

Cheesy-ness
Okay, okay I know this is a children's book but some parts were just too cheesy. I wondered if JK Rowling was infused with too much pop culture. The part where Hermoine grabbed Ron and kissed him before the final battle? So Pirates of The Carribean 3. Or the part where everyone "lined" the walls to watch at the battle of Voldemort and Bellatrix? Overused and a nice joke for everyone. And the house-elves became menacing and everyone came to support Harry after he supposedly die? *sigh* Why does all stories with a saviour has to end with a sudden swarm of supporters to overpower the bad guys. Again overused and rehashed.

Finally, we come to the ending. The part on how Harry lived and Voldemort die. On good triumphing evil. Always. Of love. If that isn't corny I don't know what is. It was Disney. It was contradicting and confusing until I couldn't make sense of the theory of it. It became a loophole.

The last arc of the book was so cheesy that I almost wanted to throw it down and stopped reading. *sigh*

Overall, criticism aside I think it was a nice book and good series. I think I just expected more of it. A twist. Something other than what was expected or a better explanation of what was expected. So yes, somehow it was a disappointment that it ended the way it did.

p/s: I think I would write a worse conclusion if I just finished the book. The cheesy-ness at the end really destroyed my perception initially.

Received it in the mail amongst the numerous Fwd. Loved it. Posting here.

Note: No changes has been made except minor tweaks in the formatting.

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

I've always felt that I'm living in a paradox. So full of contradictions that I can't make my mind up.

What is it do I want?

Maybe I'm just random. Maybe I'm just whimsical. I don't know.

Should you follow your mould or should you act on a spark?

Don't know. Don't feel like knowing. I want to hide and not know. Never learning the art of balance or the art of people.

I hate can't sleep nights when my mind go wild.